An unstaple reader

Before you compose your letter to the editor, the title of this column has no misspelled words and is not a typographical error. Well, maybe I'll let you decide that after you read it.

One of the perks of writing a column from Savannah, Georgia, is getting issues of the Bulletin in the mail. Of course the U.S. Postal System makes my subscription a game of chance. Some days I get an issue that is only a day or two old followed the next day by issues that are several weeks old. Some issues are in pristine condition while some are torn and tattered. I have even had one large shredded issue arrive in a plastic bag with an apology from the lost and found department of the post office.

Putting aside the ineptitude of our pathetic postal system, I look forward each day to reading my issue(s) of the Bulletin regardless of how dated the material is. My favorite spot to read is on our screened-in back porch. Almost every afternoon I go there with my beverage of choice, relax in my rocking chair, and read. But before my eyes can search the pictures, articles, and even the ads for names and faces that I remember from long ago, there is one agonizing, torturous, procedure that I must endure.

Each issue of the Bulletin I receive has a three-quarter inch piece of razor sharp wire thrust through the front on both sides and embedded on two sides in the back. Even though I have called it other unprintable names, most people call the object a staple. To get to any material inside, I must decide whether to risk stabbing myself in the finger, painfully inserting the wire beneath a finger nail, or leaving it in the paper. I tried doing the latter once resulting in important items being ripped from each page. So on may days, in order to get to the greatly anticipated material inside; I endure a blood letting episode that ends up soaking the front of the paper. I must say the agony is worth the ecstasy that I find inside. But, is it necessary?

If my memory is correct, the Bulletin once arrived in the mail encased in a band of blank newsprint with the subscribers name and address stamped on it. There were no finger gashing staples gouged into the folded periodical. Now, don't misunderstand me. I do not in any way place the blame for the change on the present editor of the Bulletin (After all, I do want to continue writing columns for the paper). I am certain the Postal Service regulations require each issue to be stapled even though it does very little to remedy the condition in which the paper arrives at its destination. As for now I will continue to endure the pain of staple removal. It's well worth the effort, and I recommend that all of my out of town friends subscribe to the world's smallest daily newspaper.

Hey, Jeff, why not include a free staple remover with each new subscription!

Footnotes: I received a complimentary e-mail from former Tryonite, Jerry Lee Underwood, whose brother Marion made him aware of the column. Jerry lives in North Charleston, South Carolina and says he enjoys reading about "the good old days."

I have also received several compliments on the first "Where are they now?" column. Look for another segment coming soon.